If you are lucky enough to not be working and sitting on your arse watching morning shows and not lucky enough because you’re, well, er, living in England, then you must have caught Kerry Katona sitting on her scrawny little and new ass, promoting her MTV Reality show: “Kerry and Mark – Madly annoying”. Sorry, In love. Sorry, just mad. Just mad would do.
Cuntona was obviously drunk and slurred her way to a promising career as an Indian customer service representative for HSBC, whilst ticking every possible box towards becoming the biggest mess of England, easily beating Jodie Marsh, Jordan and all the other Jerks.
For instance, when asked why did she down a bottle of champagne during her recent photo shoot for lads magazine Zoo, Cuntona replied:
“I’m on holiday in Spain, I’m allowed a drink aren’t I? Does that mean I’m an alcoholic?
Yes! You idiot, you have a history of addiction to cocaine, meth, heroin, alcohol, curry, breadsticks and baking powder! You’ve just declared yourself bankrupted and had a 15,000K lippo to get the fat sucked out of you, and the doctors warned you not to smoke – and you’re finishing fag boxes faster than Kate Moss on a waiting room for a botox treatment!
I’m telling you, Karma id a bitch. No. No. Kerry…Kerry! I said Karma, not Korma. Kerry it’s a…put the fork down! Put the fork down now, Kerry!
Ah, she’ll never listen. Where were we?